Quiz machines - an objective analysis

There's many different types of quiz machines that exist, of which only one is really worth playing. Here's a list of what's useless and why:

Who Wants To Be A Millionaire? - complete crap. Need nine questions in a row correct to get your quid back normally, and if you mess up the fastest finger first, it just needs one awkward question to make it useless. Only redeeming feature is if you get up to 32,000 you're guaranteed the win at that point.

Hangman - barely better. You've got a bit of choice with the questions and some try agains, but it's usually a bit of luck as to whether you can get a phrase that pays early.

Matrix - sometimes OK, but it's difficult to get more than a quid out of it in any one game.

Trivial Pursuit - in some cases worse than Millionaire in that it takes time to build your pot up, and then you've got to land on a cheese and then answer five or so correctly to cash.

Blockbusters - possibly my game of choice on a shitbox, although you've got to be quick. Suffers in that even a successful gold run only usually gets you two quid.

Lord Of The Rings - was fun the first time I played it when it kept giving me money, apart from that it's a bit nob.

Cluedo - it'll let you get the first two rooms easy, but it usually then takes forever to give you the third, get your quid back room. Even then, it won't usually be in one of the secret passage rooms that you're dying to hit.

Pub Quiz - OK, just a bit bland. Pays alright most of the time.

Bullseye - if you're on a machine with a dodgy touchscreen you're knackered, otherwise it can be a laugh.

Monopoly - normally decent value for money.

The Royle Family - I've only ever seen this twice and forget how it's played to be frank.

All the above should be avoided in order to play THE WEAKEST LINK. This is the best for the following reasons:

- There's no try again feature - if you get a question wrong, you just start another chain. And if you really don't know, you can always bank your points.

- No risk - if you get upto a payout point at the end of a round, it's yours. It's not like, say, Millionaire where you can lose your quid trying to double up to the guaranteed two. And it's normally not too hard to cash either - even if one of your two games starts paying at 15,000 points, the other one will normally pay 1/2 quid at 4/5,000 points, meaning a perfect first round doubles you up.

- Elimination of dodgy rounds - you've got five categories, and after each completed round you can get rid of a crap category. Bye bye nature :-)

- Most people don't realise that once you've got to your points required in a round mark, the machine will start giving you impossible questions. Hence they bank too early and don't get full value out of their game, resorting instead to frantic button-mashing.

- Ridiculously low payout points - far too frequently, Bar One's machine will give you a 1500-3000-4000 point requirement for 1-2-3 pound payouts, usually coupled with a 4-5K for 1-2 pound on the other game. Turned 1 quid into six earlier on that.

Couple this with the usual "playing it at the right time" tactics (i.e. after Top B at Warwick just before differentiation) and it's guaranteed money.