An open letter to John Motson

The current England all-time scoring charts after the Colombia game:

Combover 49
Crisp Muncher 48
Saintand 44
Miguel 32

Now that Owen's passed the glut of players in the high-20's and low 30's, maybe Motson will shut the fuck up for a while about where he stands in relation to the greats. Unless, of course, we draw Saudi Arabia in the World Cup, and if that happens even Peter fucking Crouch could get himself in the top 10.

Actually, looking at the line-up for today, we've got three players that'll start in Germany (Beckham, Owen, A Cole), one that will because Sven won't play the proper formation (J Cole), three squad players (Jenas, P Neville, James), and four players who've got no fucking chance of being anywhere near the squad (Crouch, Carrick, Knight, Johnson). We know EXACTLY what all these players can do, so why the hell are we playing a pointless friendly and not experimenting? Everybody's injured will be the excuse. That's what happens when you schedule friendlies at this time. It's especially true at centre back. When you have to start with Glen Johnson and Zat Knight... that means no Ferdinand, Campbell, Terry, Carragher, Upson, King, Brown, and those are just the sensible ones... you're better off bringing people up from the U21 side.

When I describe Wes Brown as a sensible option in front of a starting CB pair for England, that's saying something.

ARLO'D

We'll just ignore the fact that my call of T2200 to win T5400 is getting odds of, ooh, call it 5/2, and he's less than a 2/1 favourite, some people just can't stand being arloed:

[May 31 18:24:10] : Hand Start.
[May 31 18:24:10] : Seat 5 : Mr.Member has $3,800
[May 31 18:24:10] : Seat 6 : jaytee2 has $14,200
[May 31 18:24:10] : Mr.Member is the dealer.
[May 31 18:24:10] : Mr.Member posted small blind.
[May 31 18:24:10] : jaytee2 posted big blind.
[May 31 18:24:10] : Game [22] started with 2 players.
[May 31 18:24:10] : Dealing Hole Cards.
[May 31 18:24:11] : Seat 6 : jaytee2 has 4s 6d
[May 31 18:24:15] : Mr.Member called 800 and raised 2,200 and is All-in
[May 31 18:24:15] : jaytee2 called 2,200
[May 31 18:24:16] : Showdown!
[May 31 18:24:16] : Seat 6 : jaytee2 has 4s 6d
[May 31 18:24:18] : Stakes: 800/1,600 Current level: 10 Next level in: 1 min.
[May 31 18:24:18] : Seat 5 : Mr.Member has Kh 9s
[May 31 18:24:18] : Seat 6 : jaytee2 has 4s 6d
[May 31 18:24:27] : Board cards [7s As 6h Tc 5s]
[May 31 18:24:27] : Seat 5 : Mr.Member has Kh 9s
[May 31 18:24:27] : Mr.Member has High Card : Ace
[May 31 18:24:27] : Seat 6 : jaytee2 has 4s 6d
[May 31 18:24:27] : jaytee2 has Pair: 6s
[May 31 18:24:27] : jaytee2 wins 7,600 with Pair: 6s
[May 31 18:24:33] : jaytee2 : gg
[May 31 18:24:34] : Mr.Member : horseshit play
[May 31 18:24:37] : jaytee2 : arlo!

The best 32 seconds in Board 8 history

A humourous passage on the Spring Contest board on GameFAQs this morning:

From: Heroic Mario | Posted: 5/31/2005 8:09:21 AM | Message Detail
Bowser 50% 500
Sephiroth 50% 500
TOTAL VOTES 1000

Hot damn!

---
“I am the Queen of Blades, and my stare alone would reduce you to ashes. You and your ilk cease to amuse me. Prepare yourself for oblivion’s embrace.” Kerrigan

From: jonthomson | Posted: 5/31/2005 8:09:22 AM | Message Detail
Bowser 50% 500
Sephiroth 50% 500
TOTAL VOTES 1000

XD
---
Jon Thomson - 34/44, today: Ganondorf, tomorrow: Sephiroth
Nominate Ridley for Summer Contest 2005

From: Lucid Faia | Posted: 5/31/2005 8:09:23 AM | Message Detail
Bowser 50% 500
Sephiroth 50% 500
TOTAL VOTES 1000

Niiice.

---
"LucidFaia" Score: 47, Rank: 23 (T1), Pick: Sephiroth
My Video Game World Records: http://www.twingalaxies.com/index.aspx?c=22&p=35289

From: AmazingKirby | Posted: 5/31/2005 8:09:25 AM | Message Detail
Bowser 50% 500
Sephiroth 50% 500
TOTAL VOTES 1000

Nice even sample.
---
Hi,I'm partystar. ^_^
Or maybe I'm Leonhart. That's for you to decide.

From: Mister Mario | Posted: 5/31/2005 8:09:27 AM | Message Detail
Tournament Semifinal: Bowser vs. Sephiroth
Bowser 50% 500
Sephiroth 50% 500
TOTAL VOTES 1000

BEST 1000 VOTES EVER.
---
"The PS3 isn't designed to lean towards games. It's not a computer for children."- Ken Kutaragi
From: yoblazer33 | Posted: 5/31/2005 8:09:31 AM | Message Detail
500 apiece after 1000 votes. Awesome.
---
Board 8: Where people treat each other right.

From: HaRRicH | Posted: 5/31/2005 8:09:31 AM | Message Detail
Bowser 50% 500
Sephiroth 50% 500
TOTAL VOTES 1000

Ha! Take that, Sephiroth!!!
---
Serious Reminder: Vote for Dr. Robotnik
"What awaits each person in Heaven is eternal peace, divine rest, and $10,000." --Cartman

From: arkenaga | Posted: 5/31/2005 8:09:51 AM | Message Detail
Damn. They were tied at the 1000 mark. This is AWESOME.
---
Don't chain your affection. Awaken primal feeling. Don't benumb emotion. Sing out primal scream. Let loose every feeling from joy to grief.

From: jonthomson | Posted: 5/31/2005 8:09:53 AM | Message Detail
C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER
---
Jon Thomson - 34/44, today: Ganondorf, tomorrow: Sephiroth
Nominate Ridley for Summer Contest 2005

Ouch, that's gotta hurt.

Tort was tough. It was a bastard to revise for, and it showed in the exam. The seen essay wasn't great again (I despise those with every ounce of my body - they only give us those because they CAN'T BE ARSED to give us a proper assessed essay because that'd equate to another 400+ lot of things to mark). Unseen non-negligence was OK, forgot a key case, but the question was very shallow and I could only write a page and a bit on it. Negligence was alright - it was VERY similar to the unassessed essay we did, and I got a lot of stuff down.

It could have been a lot worse. Just ILLS 2 left now and I have no idea of the sorts of things they might ask, or how best to revise it.

Oh, and I've seen a couple of pictures of myself from the WaSOP - playing with chips and looking very lackadasical. That must have been first hand or after a bad beat, as I look shortstacked. There's a couple of quality ones of Rich and Milan there as well. They've only got the Friday up, so nothing from the team or main event yet.

Finally - the French "non". That's nice to see.

How to try to send someone on tilt and fail

Here's a fun cheapo heads-up I just played on VC - comments in bold italics, and I'll tidy it up later. First, here's a quick look at the hammer in STT action:

http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y106/jonthomson/hammer.jpg

Here we go:

[May 29 19:21:52] : Hand Start.
[May 29 19:21:52] : Seat 1 : holfy has $2,000
[May 29 19:21:52] : Seat 2 : jaytee2 has $2,000
[May 29 19:21:52] : holfy is the dealer.
[May 29 19:21:52] : holfy posted small blind.
[May 29 19:21:52] : jaytee2 posted big blind.
[May 29 19:21:52] : Game [1] started with 2 players.
[May 29 19:21:52] : Dealing Hole Cards.
[May 29 19:21:52] : Seat 2 : jaytee2 has 5d 2c
[May 29 19:21:54] : holfy called 20
[May 29 19:21:55] : jaytee2 checked.
[May 29 19:21:56] : Dealing flop.
[May 29 19:21:56] : Board cards [3h Tc Ac]
[May 29 19:21:57] : jaytee2 checked.
[May 29 19:22:05] : holfy : i will destroy you
Ah, one of the 50c heads-up sharks I've heard so much about.
[May 29 19:22:08] : holfy checked.
[May 29 19:22:08] : Dealing turn.
[May 29 19:22:08] : Board cards [3h Tc Ac Qs]
[May 29 19:22:10] : jaytee2 checked.
[May 29 19:22:12] : holfy checked.
[May 29 19:22:12] : Dealing river.
[May 29 19:22:12] : Board cards [3h Tc Ac Qs 4c]
[May 29 19:22:15] : jaytee2 bet 80
[May 29 19:22:17] : holfy folded.
Maybe he is good, he picked off my rivered straight perfectly
[May 29 19:22:18] : jaytee2 wins 80 as the last player standing
[May 29 19:22:21] : Hand is over.

[May 29 19:22:21] : Hand Start.
[May 29 19:22:21] : Seat 1 : holfy has $1,960
[May 29 19:22:21] : Seat 2 : jaytee2 has $2,040
[May 29 19:22:21] : jaytee2 is the dealer.
[May 29 19:22:21] : jaytee2 posted small blind.
[May 29 19:22:21] : holfy posted big blind.
[May 29 19:22:21] : Game [2] started with 2 players.
[May 29 19:22:21] : Dealing Hole Cards.
[May 29 19:22:21] : Seat 2 : jaytee2 has As Ac
Kerching!
[May 29 19:22:23] : jaytee2 called 20
[May 29 19:22:38] : holfy has 10 seconds to respond.
[May 29 19:22:41] : holfy checked.
[May 29 19:22:42] : Dealing flop.
[May 29 19:22:42] : Board cards [7d 3h Ah]
[May 29 19:22:50] : holfy : be afraid
Yes, my top set is in great danger
[May 29 19:22:52] : holfy checked.
[May 29 19:22:55] : jaytee2 bet 40
[May 29 19:22:58] : holfy called 40
[May 29 19:22:59] : Dealing turn.
[May 29 19:22:59] : Board cards [7d 3h Ah Qc]
[May 29 19:23:01] : holfy checked.
[May 29 19:23:03] : jaytee2 bet 80
[May 29 19:23:10] : holfy called 80
[May 29 19:23:11] : Dealing river.
[May 29 19:23:11] : Board cards [7d 3h Ah Qc 6c]
[May 29 19:23:14] : holfy checked.
[May 29 19:23:17] : jaytee2 bet 300
[May 29 19:23:25] : holfy called 300
[May 29 19:23:26] : Showdown!
[May 29 19:23:26] : Seat 2 : jaytee2 has As Ac
[May 29 19:23:28] : Seat 2 : jaytee2 has As Ac
[May 29 19:23:28] : jaytee2 has 3 of a Kind: Aces
[May 29 19:23:28] : jaytee2 wins 920 with 3 of a Kind: Aces
[May 29 19:23:33] : jaytee2 : ok then
Somewhat disappointed I didn't get repopped
[May 29 19:23:37] : Hand is over.

[May 29 19:23:37] : Hand Start.
[May 29 19:23:37] : Seat 1 : holfy has $1,500
[May 29 19:23:37] : Seat 2 : jaytee2 has $2,500
[May 29 19:23:37] : holfy is the dealer.
[May 29 19:23:37] : holfy posted small blind.
[May 29 19:23:37] : jaytee2 posted big blind.
[May 29 19:23:37] : Game [3] started with 2 players.
[May 29 19:23:37] : Dealing Hole Cards.
[May 29 19:23:37] : Seat 2 : jaytee2 has Qh 4s
[May 29 19:23:42] : holfy : the big i am
[May 29 19:23:45] : holfy called 20
[May 29 19:23:46] : jaytee2 checked.
[May 29 19:23:47] : Dealing flop.
[May 29 19:23:47] : Board cards [7c Jc 4c]
[May 29 19:23:49] : jaytee2 checked.
[May 29 19:23:51] : holfy checked.
[May 29 19:23:51] : Dealing turn.
[May 29 19:23:51] : Board cards [7c Jc 4c 6s]
[May 29 19:23:53] : jaytee2 bet 40
[May 29 19:23:58] : holfy folded.
[May 29 19:23:58] : jaytee2 wins 80 as the last player standing
[May 29 19:24:01] : Hand is over.

[May 29 19:24:01] : Hand Start.
[May 29 19:24:01] : Seat 1 : holfy has $1,460
[May 29 19:24:01] : Seat 2 : jaytee2 has $2,540
[May 29 19:24:01] : jaytee2 is the dealer.
[May 29 19:24:01] : jaytee2 posted small blind.
[May 29 19:24:01] : holfy posted big blind.
[May 29 19:24:01] : Game [4] started with 2 players.
[May 29 19:24:01] : Dealing Hole Cards.
[May 29 19:24:01] : Seat 2 : jaytee2 has 7d Th
[May 29 19:24:04] : jaytee2 called 20 and raised 60
[May 29 19:24:07] : holfy called 60
[May 29 19:24:07] : Dealing flop.
[May 29 19:24:07] : Board cards [6c 3s 9d]
[May 29 19:24:12] : holfy checked.
[May 29 19:24:14] : jaytee2 checked.
[May 29 19:24:15] : Dealing turn.
[May 29 19:24:15] : Board cards [6c 3s 9d Qc]
[May 29 19:24:18] : holfy checked.
[May 29 19:24:19] : jaytee2 checked.
[May 29 19:24:20] : Dealing river.
[May 29 19:24:20] : Board cards [6c 3s 9d Qc Ks]
[May 29 19:24:23] : holfy checked.
[May 29 19:24:26] : jaytee2 bet 200
[May 29 19:24:27] : holfy folded.
Yes, we can all make river bluffs
[May 29 19:24:28] : jaytee2 wins 200 as the last player standing
[May 29 19:24:31] : Hand is over.

[May 29 19:24:31] : Hand Start.
[May 29 19:24:31] : Seat 1 : holfy has $1,360
[May 29 19:24:31] : Seat 2 : jaytee2 has $2,640
[May 29 19:24:31] : holfy is the dealer.
[May 29 19:24:31] : holfy posted small blind.
[May 29 19:24:31] : jaytee2 posted big blind.
[May 29 19:24:31] : Game [5] started with 2 players.
[May 29 19:24:31] : Dealing Hole Cards.
[May 29 19:24:31] : Seat 2 : jaytee2 has 4d 5c
[May 29 19:24:41] : holfy called 20 and raised 100
[May 29 19:24:43] : jaytee2 folded.
Got to make him think that I'm not a maniac
[May 29 19:24:45] : holfy wins 80 as the last player standing
[May 29 19:24:48] : Hand is over.
[May 29 19:24:48] : Level up. New stakes : 30/60

[May 29 19:24:52] : Hand Start.
[May 29 19:24:52] : Seat 1 : holfy has $1,400
[May 29 19:24:52] : Seat 2 : jaytee2 has $2,600
[May 29 19:24:52] : jaytee2 is the dealer.
[May 29 19:24:52] : jaytee2 posted small blind.
[May 29 19:24:52] : holfy posted big blind.
[May 29 19:24:52] : Game [6] started with 2 players.
[May 29 19:24:52] : Dealing Hole Cards.
[May 29 19:24:52] : Seat 2 : jaytee2 has 6c Jd
[May 29 19:24:54] : jaytee2 called 30
[May 29 19:24:56] : holfy checked.
[May 29 19:24:56] : Dealing flop.
[May 29 19:24:56] : Board cards [2s 4h Ad]
[May 29 19:24:59] : holfy checked.
[May 29 19:25:02] : jaytee2 bet 80
[May 29 19:25:04] : holfy called 80
[May 29 19:25:04] : Dealing turn.
[May 29 19:25:04] : Board cards [2s 4h Ad 9c]
[May 29 19:25:07] : holfy checked.
[May 29 19:25:09] : jaytee2 bet 300
[May 29 19:25:15] : holfy called 300
[May 29 19:25:15] : Dealing river.
[May 29 19:25:15] : Board cards [2s 4h Ad 9c 6s]
[May 29 19:25:18] : holfy checked.
[May 29 19:25:19] : jaytee2 checked.
[May 29 19:25:19] : Showdown!
[May 29 19:25:19] : Seat 2 : jaytee2 has 6c Jd
[May 29 19:25:21] : Seat 1 : holfy has 3s 9s
Caught a bit on the end to show down. If I miss, I push. Shame he caught something better on the turn
[May 29 19:25:21] : holfy has Pair: 9s
[May 29 19:25:22] : holfy wins 880 with Pair: 9s
[May 29 19:25:29] : holfy : ahhhhhhhhh ha
No, my J6o didn't hold up, boo hoo
[May 29 19:25:31] : Hand is over.

[May 29 19:25:31] : Hand Start.
[May 29 19:25:31] : Seat 1 : holfy has $1,840
[May 29 19:25:31] : Seat 2 : jaytee2 has $2,160
[May 29 19:25:31] : holfy is the dealer.
[May 29 19:25:31] : holfy posted small blind.
[May 29 19:25:31] : jaytee2 posted big blind.
[May 29 19:25:31] : Game [7] started with 2 players.
[May 29 19:25:31] : Dealing Hole Cards.
[May 29 19:25:31] : Seat 2 : jaytee2 has Ah Qh
[May 29 19:25:34] : holfy called 30
[May 29 19:25:37] : jaytee2 raised 120
[May 29 19:25:40] : holfy called 120
[May 29 19:25:40] : Dealing flop.
[May 29 19:25:40] : Board cards [Ad 4s 3s]
[May 29 19:25:43] : jaytee2 bet 240
[May 29 19:25:45] : holfy folded.
[May 29 19:25:46] : jaytee2 wins 360 as the last player standing
[May 29 19:25:49] : Hand is over.

[May 29 19:25:49] : Hand Start.
[May 29 19:25:49] : Seat 1 : holfy has $1,660
[May 29 19:25:49] : Seat 2 : jaytee2 has $2,340
[May 29 19:25:49] : jaytee2 is the dealer.
[May 29 19:25:49] : jaytee2 posted small blind.
[May 29 19:25:49] : holfy posted big blind.
[May 29 19:25:49] : Game [8] started with 2 players.
[May 29 19:25:49] : Dealing Hole Cards.
[May 29 19:25:49] : Seat 2 : jaytee2 has 2c As
[May 29 19:25:51] : jaytee2 called 30
[May 29 19:25:53] : holfy checked.
[May 29 19:25:53] : Dealing flop.
[May 29 19:25:53] : Board cards [3h 5s Ts]
[May 29 19:25:57] : holfy checked.
[May 29 19:25:58] : jaytee2 checked.
[May 29 19:25:59] : Dealing turn.
[May 29 19:25:59] : Board cards [3h 5s Ts 6h]
[May 29 19:26:02] : holfy bet 60
[May 29 19:26:03] : jaytee2 folded.
[May 29 19:26:06] : holfy wins 120 as the last player standing
[May 29 19:26:08] : Hand is over.

[May 29 19:26:08] : Hand Start.
[May 29 19:26:08] : Seat 1 : holfy has $1,720
[May 29 19:26:08] : Seat 2 : jaytee2 has $2,280
[May 29 19:26:08] : holfy is the dealer.
[May 29 19:26:08] : holfy posted small blind.
[May 29 19:26:08] : jaytee2 posted big blind.
[May 29 19:26:08] : Game [9] started with 2 players.
[May 29 19:26:08] : Dealing Hole Cards.
[May 29 19:26:08] : Seat 2 : jaytee2 has 6c 3s
[May 29 19:26:13] : holfy called 30 and raised 120
[May 29 19:26:14] : jaytee2 folded.
[May 29 19:26:16] : holfy wins 120 as the last player standing
[May 29 19:26:19] : Hand is over.

[May 29 19:26:19] : Hand Start.
[May 29 19:26:19] : Seat 1 : holfy has $1,780
[May 29 19:26:19] : Seat 2 : jaytee2 has $2,220
[May 29 19:26:19] : jaytee2 is the dealer.
[May 29 19:26:19] : jaytee2 posted small blind.
[May 29 19:26:19] : holfy posted big blind.
[May 29 19:26:19] : Game [10] started with 2 players.
[May 29 19:26:19] : Dealing Hole Cards.
[May 29 19:26:19] : Seat 2 : jaytee2 has 3h 6s
[May 29 19:26:20] : jaytee2 folded.
[May 29 19:26:23] : holfy wins 60 as the last player standing
[May 29 19:26:25] : Hand is over.

[May 29 19:26:25] : Hand Start.
[May 29 19:26:25] : Seat 1 : holfy has $1,810
[May 29 19:26:25] : Seat 2 : jaytee2 has $2,190
[May 29 19:26:25] : holfy is the dealer.
[May 29 19:26:25] : holfy posted small blind.
[May 29 19:26:25] : jaytee2 posted big blind.
[May 29 19:26:25] : Game [11] started with 2 players.
[May 29 19:26:25] : Dealing Hole Cards.
[May 29 19:26:25] : Seat 2 : jaytee2 has 3c 8c
[May 29 19:26:29] : holfy called 30 and raised 240
[May 29 19:26:31] : jaytee2 folded.
[May 29 19:26:32] : Seat 1 : holfy has 6h 9c
[May 29 19:26:32] : holfy wins 120 as the last player standing with [6h 9c]
You haven't seen what I've been getting
[May 29 19:26:37] : Hand is over.

[May 29 19:26:37] : Hand Start.
[May 29 19:26:37] : Seat 1 : holfy has $1,870
[May 29 19:26:37] : Seat 2 : jaytee2 has $2,130
[May 29 19:26:37] : jaytee2 is the dealer.
[May 29 19:26:37] : jaytee2 posted small blind.
[May 29 19:26:37] : holfy posted big blind.
[May 29 19:26:37] : Game [12] started with 2 players.
[May 29 19:26:37] : Dealing Hole Cards.
[May 29 19:26:37] : Seat 2 : jaytee2 has Jh Js
[May 29 19:26:40] : jaytee2 : beats 8-3
[May 29 19:26:41] : jaytee2 called 30
[May 29 19:26:44] : holfy checked.
[May 29 19:26:45] : Dealing flop.
[May 29 19:26:45] : Board cards [Kc Kd 2h]
[May 29 19:26:47] : holfy checked.
[May 29 19:26:49] : jaytee2 bet 120
[May 29 19:26:52] : holfy folded.
Thought I might get some action if he thinks I'm tilting
[May 29 19:26:52] : jaytee2 wins 120 as the last player standing
[May 29 19:26:55] : Hand is over.

[May 29 19:26:55] : Hand Start.
[May 29 19:26:55] : Seat 1 : holfy has $1,810
[May 29 19:26:55] : Seat 2 : jaytee2 has $2,190
[May 29 19:26:55] : holfy is the dealer.
[May 29 19:26:55] : holfy posted small blind.
[May 29 19:26:55] : jaytee2 posted big blind.
[May 29 19:26:55] : Game [13] started with 2 players.
[May 29 19:26:55] : Dealing Hole Cards.
[May 29 19:26:55] : Seat 2 : jaytee2 has 8c Kc
[May 29 19:26:58] : holfy folded.
[May 29 19:26:58] : jaytee2 wins 60 as the last player standing
[May 29 19:27:01] : Hand is over.

[May 29 19:27:01] : Hand Start.
[May 29 19:27:01] : Seat 1 : holfy has $1,780
[May 29 19:27:01] : Seat 2 : jaytee2 has $2,220
[May 29 19:27:01] : jaytee2 is the dealer.
[May 29 19:27:01] : jaytee2 posted small blind.
[May 29 19:27:01] : holfy posted big blind.
[May 29 19:27:01] : Game [14] started with 2 players.
[May 29 19:27:01] : Dealing Hole Cards.
[May 29 19:27:01] : Seat 2 : jaytee2 has 2s Jc
[May 29 19:27:05] : jaytee2 called 30 and raised 90
[May 29 19:27:08] : holfy called 90 and raised 1,630 and is All-in
Ah, he's got the all-in in his arsenal. It's a cheapie anyway
[May 29 19:27:09] : jaytee2 folded.
[May 29 19:27:11] : holfy wins 300 as the last player standing
[May 29 19:27:14] : Hand is over.

[May 29 19:27:14] : Hand Start.
[May 29 19:27:14] : Seat 1 : holfy has $1,930
[May 29 19:27:14] : Seat 2 : jaytee2 has $2,070
[May 29 19:27:14] : holfy is the dealer.
[May 29 19:27:14] : holfy posted small blind.
[May 29 19:27:14] : jaytee2 posted big blind.
[May 29 19:27:14] : Game [15] started with 2 players.
[May 29 19:27:14] : Dealing Hole Cards.
[May 29 19:27:14] : Seat 2 : jaytee2 has Tc 8c
[May 29 19:27:17] : holfy called 30
[May 29 19:27:18] : jaytee2 checked.
[May 29 19:27:19] : Dealing flop.
[May 29 19:27:19] : Board cards [9h 6s Qd]
[May 29 19:27:20] : jaytee2 checked.
[May 29 19:27:25] : holfy bet 100
[May 29 19:27:26] : jaytee2 called 100
[May 29 19:27:26] : Dealing turn.
[May 29 19:27:26] : Board cards [9h 6s Qd 8h]
[May 29 19:27:28] : jaytee2 checked.
[May 29 19:27:30] : holfy checked.
[May 29 19:27:31] : Dealing river.
[May 29 19:27:31] : Board cards [9h 6s Qd 8h Ks]
[May 29 19:27:32] : jaytee2 checked.
[May 29 19:27:36] : holfy bet 480
[May 29 19:27:37] : jaytee2 folded.
Missed my double belly-buster, don't want to call that much with an 8
[May 29 19:27:39] : Seat 1 : holfy has Js 5h
I don't care, there's a lot out there that beats me
[May 29 19:27:39] : holfy wins 320 as the last player standing with High Card : King
[May 29 19:27:44] : Hand is over.

[May 29 19:27:44] : Hand Start.
[May 29 19:27:44] : Seat 1 : holfy has $2,090
[May 29 19:27:44] : Seat 2 : jaytee2 has $1,910
[May 29 19:27:44] : jaytee2 is the dealer.
[May 29 19:27:44] : jaytee2 posted small blind.
[May 29 19:27:44] : holfy posted big blind.
[May 29 19:27:44] : Game [16] started with 2 players.
[May 29 19:27:44] : Dealing Hole Cards.
[May 29 19:27:44] : Seat 2 : jaytee2 has 4h 3d
[May 29 19:27:46] : holfy : scared
Wow, you have the chip lead
[May 29 19:27:46] : jaytee2 called 30
[May 29 19:27:51] : holfy raised 120
[May 29 19:27:55] : jaytee2 folded.
Let's make him think I'm scared then push with montana banana or the hammer for value (comedy)
[May 29 19:27:57] : holfy wins 120 as the last player standing
[May 29 19:27:59] : Hand is over.
[May 29 19:27:59] : Level up. New stakes : 50/100

[May 29 19:28:03] : Hand Start.
[May 29 19:28:03] : Seat 1 : holfy has $2,150
[May 29 19:28:03] : Seat 2 : jaytee2 has $1,850
[May 29 19:28:03] : holfy is the dealer.
[May 29 19:28:03] : holfy posted small blind.
[May 29 19:28:03] : jaytee2 posted big blind.
[May 29 19:28:04] : Game [17] started with 2 players.
[May 29 19:28:04] : Dealing Hole Cards.
[May 29 19:28:04] : Seat 2 : jaytee2 has Qh As
[May 29 19:28:06] : holfy called 50
[May 29 19:28:09] : jaytee2 raised 200
[May 29 19:28:15] : Stakes: 50/100 Current level: 3 Next level in: 3 min.
[May 29 19:28:22] : holfy called 200
[May 29 19:28:22] : Dealing flop.
[May 29 19:28:22] : Board cards [2d 5s 4d]
[May 29 19:28:25] : jaytee2 bet 1,550 and is All-in
[May 29 19:28:38] : holfy folded.
Can't stand the heat... what does he think I have?
[May 29 19:28:38] : jaytee2 wins 600 as the last player standing
[May 29 19:28:41] : Hand is over.

[May 29 19:28:41] : Hand Start.
[May 29 19:28:41] : Seat 1 : holfy has $1,850
[May 29 19:28:41] : Seat 2 : jaytee2 has $2,150
[May 29 19:28:41] : jaytee2 is the dealer.
[May 29 19:28:41] : jaytee2 posted small blind.
[May 29 19:28:41] : holfy posted big blind.
[May 29 19:28:41] : Game [18] started with 2 players.
[May 29 19:28:41] : Dealing Hole Cards.
[May 29 19:28:41] : Seat 2 : jaytee2 has 8d Ks
[May 29 19:28:42] : jaytee2 called 50
[May 29 19:28:45] : holfy checked.
[May 29 19:28:45] : Dealing flop.
[May 29 19:28:45] : Board cards [Ts 9h Qs]
[May 29 19:28:51] : holfy bet 100
[May 29 19:28:53] : jaytee2 called 100
[May 29 19:28:54] : Dealing turn.
[May 29 19:28:54] : Board cards [Ts 9h Qs Qd]
[May 29 19:28:58] : holfy bet 100
[May 29 19:29:00] : jaytee2 called 100
[May 29 19:29:01] : Dealing river.
[May 29 19:29:01] : Board cards [Ts 9h Qs Qd Kh]
[May 29 19:29:03] : holfy checked.
[May 29 19:29:05] : jaytee2 checked.
Didn't want to bluff, these types could play a J/Q quite cute
[May 29 19:29:05] : Showdown!
[May 29 19:29:05] : Seat 2 : jaytee2 has 8d Ks
[May 29 19:29:07] : Seat 1 : holfy has 6h 9d
Nope, get paid
[May 29 19:29:07] : holfy has Two Pair: Queens and 9s
[May 29 19:29:07] : Seat 2 : jaytee2 has 8d Ks
[May 29 19:29:07] : jaytee2 has Two Pair: Kings and Queens
[May 29 19:29:07] : jaytee2 wins 600 with Two Pair: Kings and Queens
[May 29 19:29:16] : Hand is over.

[May 29 19:29:16] : Hand Start.
[May 29 19:29:16] : Seat 1 : holfy has $1,550
[May 29 19:29:16] : Seat 2 : jaytee2 has $2,450
[May 29 19:29:16] : holfy is the dealer.
[May 29 19:29:16] : holfy posted small blind.
[May 29 19:29:16] : jaytee2 posted big blind.
[May 29 19:29:16] : Game [19] started with 2 players.
[May 29 19:29:16] : Dealing Hole Cards.
[May 29 19:29:16] : Seat 2 : jaytee2 has Ks Kc
[May 29 19:29:21] : holfy called 50 and raised 400
Oh dear, you're pot committed now...
[May 29 19:29:23] : jaytee2 called 400 and raised 1,950 and is All-in
[May 29 19:29:27] : holfy called 1,050 and is All-in
[May 29 19:29:28] : Showdown!
[May 29 19:29:28] : Seat 2 : jaytee2 has Ks Kc
[May 29 19:29:30] : Seat 1 : holfy has 5d 6h
It's 6-4 you push with, FOUR. Amateurs.
[May 29 19:29:30] : Seat 2 : jaytee2 has Ks Kc
[May 29 19:29:39] : Board cards [5s 2d 3h Tc Jd]
[May 29 19:29:39] : Seat 2 : jaytee2 has Ks Kc
[May 29 19:29:39] : jaytee2 has Pair: Kings
[May 29 19:29:39] : Seat 1 : holfy has 5d 6h
[May 29 19:29:39] : holfy has Pair: 5s
[May 29 19:29:39] : jaytee2 wins 3,100 with Pair: Kings
[May 29 19:29:41] : jaytee2 : oops
Sorry, couldn't get it quietly - chat log in HH ends there, he replies prick.

Ring ding

Considering that I've still not heard anyone using the ringtone (and if I did their phone is going off a bridge/under a bus), who the fuck not only bought the Crazy Frog single, but bought enough of them to send it to number 1? With between twice and four times as many (depending on how unreliable your source is) sales as Coldplay?

Could have been worse - the Frog and Coldplay could have held off release by a week and that chipmunk record by Akon would have been back to number 1.

Shame that, the chart was looking quite good apart from those. Coldplay, Oasis, Gorillaz and the Audio Bullys all in the top 10 is a good sign. Not forgetting Tony Christie as well. The rest of the chart isn't too bad as well. Of course, you can get in the top 40 with about six sales nowadays. That's how Brian McFadden got back in.

Now I know why I don't have a television

Hmm. Big Brother's back, for a sixth series apparently. After the first one they've all blurred into one, I'm sure they were only up to five.

Anyway, Maxwell will win. This time I'm not even bothering to watch the first night to gauge my pick from (a la Gos and Marco from years gone by). Once you filter out all the exhibitionist twats and clear no hopers (Derek? Did he wander into the wrong audition?) there's not much left, if anything. Given the blurb on the website, he seems like a big enough idiot but not so ridiculously overt to win. Having said that, he was "paid to get drunk" for two years. Nice.

Let's just run through the bios. 70's dancer, hairdresser, Derek (it would be the funniest thing ever if he won), someone who lists their "very busty and curvaceous figure" as a key asset, belly dancer, token black woman, a psychic, Maxwell (well, a drunk), a former "Most Handsome Man in Italy" finalist, a bisexual bint with a tit job who'll podium dance naked for tickets (must try that if I ever come across Juice tickets), someone who believes "her unique selling point is her body", someone they appear to have listed twice, and another token black woman who seems to be an escapee from children's television. As I say, spot the odd one out.

Hmm, quickly looking at Betfair after I wrote that, Maxwell's the favourite at sevens, there's someone called "Science" - if that's a real name that's scary, if it's a gimmick, well, it's a gimmick.

I've written that much on reality TV that I'm not even watching? I scare myself at times...

New PokerStars SNG levels

Much to my delight, PokerStars has introduced $1 sit and go tournaments. The $5 tourneys are a bit risky given my limited bankroll, and the cash is a bit pointless - limit bores me and NL seems ridiculous playing $0.01/0.02 - the nickel-dime game needs to be bought in for at least $5 and I don't want to play with just four buy-ins. Only thing is that the $1 games are 45 runner affairs. I think I'll have an edge in these, especially at 10 minute levels. They've still got that big 100/200/25 to 200/400/25 jump though. One's going to kick off in a minute, let's see how it goes :-)

edit - first hand, three people all in on Q-J-8 rainbow flop. A-Q vs. 8-8 vs. K-4! Even the K-4's backdoor flush was drawing dead to the A-Q, of the same suit. These could be fun. 20% juice is a bit much though...

edit - 11th/45. Damn that lasted a long time, wasn't quite as wild as expected. Got short but built myself up to about 4K before forcing someone all in with 10-9s when they had 4BB left, only for them to call in an instant with J-10s... then this happened - note my value call all-in [warning - bad beat follows]:

PokerStars Game #1773720446: Tournament #8326011, Hold'em No Limit - Level VIII (200/400) - 2005/05/26 - 20:59:19 (ET)
Table '8326011 5' Seat #8 is the button
Seat 1: flyrooster (8835 in chips)
Seat 2: jaytee2 (2331 in chips)
Seat 3: gordocheese (6726 in chips)
Seat 6: strght---->> (7407 in chips)
Seat 7: Rick Card Z (6528 in chips)
Seat 8: Jared_Dye (2386 in chips)
flyrooster: posts the ante 25
jaytee2: posts the ante 25
gordocheese: posts the ante 25
strght---->>: posts the ante 25
Rick Card Z: posts the ante 25
Jared_Dye: posts the ante 25
flyrooster: posts small blind 200
jaytee2: posts big blind 400
*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to jaytee2 [2h Ad]
gordocheese: calls 400
strght---->>: folds
Rick Card Z: folds
Jared_Dye: folds
flyrooster: folds
jaytee2: checks
*** FLOP *** [2c 7s 2d]
jaytee2: checks
flyrooster said, "jared - youre like an STD"
gordocheese: bets 2000
jaytee2: calls 1906 and is all-in
*** TURN *** [2c 7s 2d] [9c]
*** RIVER *** [2c 7s 2d 9c] [Tc]
*** SHOW DOWN ***
jaytee2: shows [2h Ad] (three of a kind, Deuces)
gordocheese: shows [4c 3c] (a flush, Ten high)
gordocheese collected 4962 from pot
jaytee2 [observer] said, "JOPKE"

OMFG! OMFG! OMFG!

That is the best game of football I have seen in my life. I have nothing more to say. I am speechless. I am all over the place. I am drunk. Jesus christ. Incredible.

Who does he think he is, Jenson Button?

Following on from the story of the dibble who got clocked doing 159 on the M54 towards Telford (why someone would want to go towards Telford at speed, I don't know, and how the hell does a Vectra go at 159 anyway?) and got away with it, we have this just in from BBC News:

Manchester United footballer Rio Ferdinand has been banned from driving for 28 days after he was caught overtaking a police car at 105mph... [and] was also fined £1,500 by magistrates in Newcastle-under-Lyme.

Now I'm not sure what the maximum fine is for speeding, and I don't really care, and I really hate it when magistrates take into account personal circumstances, especially for the poor, but surely we can make an exception for shit centre halves and fine him a weeks' wages? At, ooh, 70K a week, that could pay for three more bobbies, who could conveniently be enlisted into Glazer's crack protection team, should he ever decide to set foot in the country.

Of course, if he wants to avoid United fans, he ought to fly into Manchester. Heathrow's too risky - too close to Kent, Torquay and all the other hotbeds of United support.

Cheap shot, yes...

Kraftwerk

Exam period feels like the Tour de France. Sure, I'm over Mont Ventoux, but I've still got the Alpe d'Huez and the Col du Tourmalet to come.

Cycling analogies aside, property wasn't too bad. The seen essay question went fairly badly but the problem questions were OK. I'm putting myself on about 52, which I'd have taken at the outset.

And I don't think I've mentioned Reyes' red card yet. Justice.

Greg Raymer freeroll

Will be brief here... 160-odd/760 with no cards whatsoever. I had:

A-K once, which I played very badly but it didn't cost me much (only flat called preflop for some unknown reason instead of repopping all-in)

A-Q once, which I bet out preflop, got called, my continuation bet on a nothing flop got raised and I had to muck

A-J three times, in bad situations and they were all folded preflop - the last two may have been a little tight perhaps but I'm happy with that. The first had been raised twice before it came to me, the second was a suspicious minraise by a shortstack in early position for 20% of their stack - he gets repopped, calls with K-J but has walked into K-K which holds up, the third was the very next hand at the start of the next level which was minraised again by a shortstack in early position, exact same situation, only it's uncalled this time.

K-Q twice (one in the first level that got repopped by Freemo and got mucked, one got called in a few places and I won on the turn when an ace came, after continuation betting the flop and turn)

2-2 once (yes, that's the best and only pair I had).

I had the A-K in level 5 (75/150) - I'm on about 3210 and it costs me 450 but am still comfortable. The only hands I have after that were the second two A-J's.

I showed down 4 hands (and won 10 uncontested, thank god). One was an early nut flush which started me off nicely. The next was a 6-8 in the big blind on a 4-6-Q flop, checked, turn another Q, I know I'm leading now, bet and call by SB, river is a blank and my 6 beats his 4. One was a checked down flop-turn-river with me in the big blind which I lost. The last was my final hand, where someone takes out three players with a flopped flush. The introduction of the antes hurt me a lot, and when the big step from 100/200 to 200/400 came I suddenly find myself with less than 3BB and K-T looks like a monster. Which it isn't.

#Raps In Ukrainian#

Hmm. There's something about the combination of shit music, comedy satellite delays, neighbouring country homosexuality and Wogan's xenophobia that makes Eurovision must-see viewing. I can't put my finger on it.

Random Moldavian drumming grandmothers, probably.

Quiz question

Which university bookshop doesn't have any copies of statute books required for Monday's exam? Yep, Blackwell's are crap.

Although why I should need to spend fifteen quid on a book I'm going to use for precisely three hours (six if it'll double up for Property II), I have no idea. The university could very easily photocopy the relevant parts. Ah, they say, that would be very expensive! Yes, but so is the 1150 or whatever that I've paid them in fees. Fifteen love.

Good job Waterstone's had a copy. I used my HMV voucher there as well so it cost me nowt. Better than nowt if they let me return it. Although that means I didn't get to get either the British Sea Power CD or the (distinctly average) System of a Down CD. Arsecrisps.

WaSOP roundup

Delayed, I know. I thought I'd get round to it now.

Kick off Friday, 10am. Outside Milan's, where instead of a nice little 1.4 he's bagged a Rover 75. I guess the hire place has got to use them as much as possible before they go ping. Needless to say Rich is still in bed. One trip up to Hunters Bar later and we're under way. Stop at a services a bit after 11, get some overpriced Burger King and find a bookies. Not good. Shove a quid on trap 3 in the 11.26 at Wimbledon, jopke. Fails horribly. A bad omen? I guess so.

Get down there about 40 minutes before the 1pm fiver NLHE rebuy. FInd Dave, they're still setting up and not registering yet. Nip up to the (newly modified) Graduate for a round of Grolsch (as the decent beer needs a barrel change). Finish that and we're under way.

Table looks fairly harmless. There's Dhruv (2nd in UKSPC) and a load of Warwick guys, some guy from (I think) Manchester doing a combination of a Matusow and Arama impression, and an empty seat (later taken up by Brice). First hand, 9-6s in the small blind. Limps in about three places, I complete and the BB checks. Flop is 8-7-5 kerching. I lead out for about 150 (blinds 25/50), Dhruv pushes and someone else calls. I call (duh), Dhruv has 10-9 and the other guy has garbage, triple up first hand. I drop down to about 2700 when I get Q-10. It's unraised and the flop comes K-J-9. A fish bets, Dhruv goes all in (I have him covered), I push and the fish calls. Dhruv has K-10 for top pair and a straight draw, fish has Q-9 for bottom pair and the other gutshot draw. So they have a combined 4 outs, 8K chips here I come...

Turn = Q
River = 9
Fish = runner runner boat. Fuck.

Knocks me down to about 1K3, flop a straight with 6-4 but don't get called, end up after a top up with about 2K2. Build it up to about 4K with steals and uncalled all-ins before I take on this guy who's moved to our table who's raising all the time with A-4, reraising all in and he calls with 9-9. Bye bye. Still, it's only cost me a tenner and I'd make that move again.

Nip out for a bit to examine the newly formed pool and snooker room... jesus. It's a mess. Grab my cue (which I've missed since Derby and no bugger did my retip request) for a quick game of pool... put it back in the cupboard which is an error as I don't see anyone else from snooker all weekend and the cue is still there. Grab some airfare then nip back down. Malcolm Harwood's only there, and I'm a bit of a PLO fish so I decline the tenner second chance. Play a couple of comedy quid STT's before hanging around waiting for an affordable cash game (I'm not playing the 25 min .50/1 blind game if they have an average stack of eighty quid). One doesn't arise and I also decline the limit HORSE game that gets set up.

Right now I'm also running low on options for places to stay. Pretty much everyone is unavailable or not answering. I go to the Graduate with every intention of sleeping in L3 before Milan calls and says that his room in the Holiday Inn is a twin. Kerching, that'll do. Only it's not the Holiday Inn that was pointed out when we were going in. Which I walked about three miles to. Anyways, Milan drives to pick me up (with some comedy dual carriageway slip road reversing manoeuvres) and we're done for the night.

Day 2 and we've got the heads up game. We've enlisted Sanjay and some guy from Heriot Watt whose name I forget. I win my first one, going behind early but regaining the lead then playing aggressively, eventually winning as K-5 is no match for my K-Q. Team wins 3-2. Round 2 is painful. I'm in complete control when I move in over the top of my guy with 4-4. He stares me down for EVER. Asks me if I have pockets. Ponders for some more. Finally decides that risking the match on at the very best a coinflip with 3-3 is a good idea. He hits quads. Next hand I'm outchipped but pick up Q-Q. Limp-reraise is called. Flop is 9-6-5. All the money goes in and he shows 8-7. Ouch. We lose 3-2. Third game I push with K-K and a board of 7-6-6-9, he has K-6. We lose 3-2. Finally 6-4 outdraws on 10-4 on a 7-5-4 flop to give me the lead and I win a kicker battle with us both holding an ace to finish. But we lose 3-2 and are out. Annoying. The main Sheffield team didn't do much better, and (wisely, in retrospect) deciding to give the HORSE a miss, we head to Varsity for some nice food, before going to Milan's hotel for a bit of STT action. It was all going well, I'd cashed in it, Amir had won and Stevenage had failed, then my A-10 was outdrawn by Pete's A-4 and that was that. I go to their hotel (somewhere in Nuneaton, of all places - made somewhat funny by driving for a large part of the A46 without headlights) and abuse their floor.

I give the main event on the Sunday a miss - Adam lands fourth for about 400 quid, a few people missed about two or three tables out. Ben turned up for the comedy large cash game. Watched the Norwich game in the airport which was somewhat humourous. West Brom survived - how, I don't know, and after trying and failing to get Varsity food again (damn mixed hockey tournament), watching the final table and thinking that going for two Carlings in five minutes was a good idea, we head back. All in all, a pricey weekend :-)

Woo hoo, yeah baby, Bill Fillmaff, yeah!

Will talk of the Warwick weekend later, but I've just cleared the gambling losses of the weekend and more in one hit by winning a $2 MTT on VC for $87. 145 runners, best tourney victory to date.

Arsenal 7 (Seven) Everton 0

Compared to Liverpool's tight as a gnat's muff European defence, I bet the continent's strikeforces are licking their lips. Even Jan Vennegoor of Hesselink and DaMarcus Beasley. Hell, if Flamini can score, I'd be worried about David Moyes' heart condition.

And Henry didn't even score. Jesus.

Elections, morons, jopke

I'm not posting on a weekly basis, honest...

Bill Fillmaff is a comedy genius. Random fluctuations of dumb luck. Classic. www.billfillmaff.com if you're wondering. Jopke jopke jopke.

Well, we've had one of those election things, and not a lot has changed really. Labour's majority has been halved and a bit, that's about it. Hats off to the Blaenau Gwent people for standing up to discriminatory policies from Labour, and I suppose Galloway's election is a bit of a coup. Some guy in Northern Ireland went whose name I forget. Won a Nobel peace prize, apparently. Funny that, when was the last time there was peace there?

Pretty much done with lectures now. Have two hours of torts on Friday but there's really not much to cover there and I'll probably be en route to Coventry at the time in order to play the 5 pound NLHE event (1pm start, no way I can get from Sheffield to Warwick in two hours without a chopper). Looking forward to the team event if we can find two more people to join the dream team of me, Rich and Milan... that match could be over very quickly. Horse will be fun as well... I need to learn razz quickly and the only material I have is, ironically, Hellmuth's :-)

As for being done with lectures, how many fucking imbeciles are there on my course? Ignoring the fact that you can barely hear the lecturer due to random talking and giggling (if you want a chat, there's a bar like two minutes away), I swear that not only did someone have their phone ring (silence is easy, motherfucker), but they started a conversation as well. Jesus. I'd be able to tell properly but there's so much fucking background noise it's untrue. If you want to do something other than listen to the lecturer quietly, fuck off. It's that simple. Then we can downscale to an actual lecture theatre.

Steel Press printed my political bias rant. Nice. And they referred to it in their editorial. Nick Clegg (former MEP, no less) got in in any case. Wasn't quite as marginal a constituency as I thought, on rechecking the 2001 result. Was only a 2% swing in any case.

Two seminars to go then we're done barring exams. Property in less than two weeks, revision starts here :-(

[edit (11/5) - to continue with the fucking imbeciles point, I'm pretty sure that they didn't spend lots of cash on computers in the Crookesmoor library for people to be playing Spider Solitaire. Good job there was a computer free for a change at the time, otherwise I'd predict a riot]

Someone buy me a Beckham Madrid shirt. I'm not bitter

First post while being 23. Woot. Congrats to Shaun Murphy on becoming world champion, well deserved.

Birthday celebrations were good. Saturday was one of those drink anything that moves days and sleep until 6pm the day after jobs... nice. Having five in the Cobden before coming back for the "party" was a sign of things to come...

Today was cool as well. Get down to Bar One for some drinks, watching snooker and playing pool, whilst looking for a pen, then off to Walkabout to have some nice drinks (and getting a pen en route, resulting in some poor Su Doku attempts). Back to Bar One when it had stopped raining, and then catching MJ Hibbett in the Interval, spoiled by poor acoustics somewhat. Back to Earnshaw to catch the end of Murphy's Welsh-killing job. Quality.

Course is OK at the moment. Got some property back, about par so I'll take that. Exams are drawing close and some hours will have to be put in. Boo.